When love leaves… Where do I go??? Who cares??? Why???

When love leaves… Where do I go??? Who cares??? Why???

This is a statement / group of questions I have encountered so many times in my life – as I have lived the very questions as well…

Martha and Mary – one had a brother, Lazarus – and Lazarus got sick and died. A normal and given event in real life. No one lives on and on. We all must pass some day. In that event, many are impact – and in my case, I’ve had people so close to me pass that I thought I’d never get over it. Conversely, I’ve had relationships break up that I thought were for a lifetime – and the pain is invariably the same. I’ve lost a piece of my soul, heart, spirit – and in the end – felt like I just didn’t want to live anymore. Yes, I’ve actually had that same experience – so I know the feelings…

The truth is – I haven’t gotten over many of life’s events like this – even after so many years. Time makes it easier to deal with as I am distracted by other events in life – but when I visit those initial feelings, I am overwhelmed with the same profound pain and grief that consumed me so many years ago.

When love leaves, where do I go???

Eternity and beyond...

Eternity and beyond…

I’ve spent days a couple times, in agony… No amount of crying or groaning would relieve one iota of pain – nothing– touched that amount of pain. And no one cared like I did – I’m alone, so much grief, so much agony – no amount of anything could take away the overwhelming agony of being alone and in such pain that at some points, I just wanted to die. I did not want to live any longer, because I honestly believed there was nothing to live for.

Martha and Mary experienced this too, but had a conviction in their lives, being much older than me, and raised differently – they were Old Testament Jews (by upbringing)  – they believed in the Law and the tellings/teachings of the Prophets of old. They knew life did not end with death. Quite the difference – life began in the death of this life – life eternal begins – and that is a perspective I had not been taught well or understood.

They lived in the days of Jesus; they believed that He was indeed, the coming of the Son of God, the Messiah, the Christ, and that there was nothing he could not do.

In short, Jesus came to visit them, and knowing Who He was, Mary used the most expensive perfume (I’m juxtaposing it was like that), and bathed his feet in it, using her hair to clean his feet. She knew she was at the feet of the Son of God.

She conveyed to Him, Lord, if you were but here, my brother could have lived, as you can do all things (she was well aware of many miracles already performed by Christ).

He shared with her, do you believe your brother will rise again and live? She acknowledge, yes! They went to the tomb where Lazarus had been buried 4 days already, and Jesus commanded them to move the stone away from the tomb. They were reserved because he’d been dead 4 days, and the stench alone would be great. Jesus conveyed that he but slept, and was there for this purpose – to show that the Son of God also had the power to give life, as well as take life. As in the end of His, it is He who took His life, not the Romans or Jews, but Christ Himself took His life, and He can also give it.

They moved the stone out of the way, and Christ called out, “… Lazarus, come forth…” (John 11:43) – and this He did mostly so that the unbelievers would have no excuses for their disbelief – they saw with their own eyes what happen. But ultimately – to give them back their brother and loved one – alleviating the greatest pain known.

Martha and Mary had to be the most excited and happiest people on the planet, a dearly beloved had passed away, and was now with them again.

But we do not live in that era – nor do we comprehend something actually happening. There are those that not only believe, but that commune with the dead, and try to share that communication with their loved ones – all to bring them peace (I know my own uncle pondered doing this – but only pondered it, he knew what God’s command was regarding this). However, God has made it clear, we’re not to try and do this – but in faith, trust in Him. He knows our pain and agony greater than we ourselves, if your mind can comprehend that – it’s quite true. No one knows us better than ourselves, except for God. He knows the very hairs on our head – how much more the pains of the heart / spirit / soul. When we grieve, He grieves even greater because He wants to take away our pain and bless us in peace with a conviction like Martha and Mary had, and much more.

When love leaves… Where do I go??? Who even cares??? Why???

When Love leaves... Where do I go??? Why??? Who cares???

When Love leaves… Where do I go??? Why??? Who cares???

When love leaves, it’s not always in death… More often than not – it’s in relationships, but all said – it is a gut wrenching, unspeakable pain – that nothing can address or help. I have known people that did take their own lives because they could not live with the pain. In my few years, I have seen and experienced so much life and death that I can say, when love leaves, where do I go??? Why??? Who Cares???

I go find a very private space and let my mind, heart, soul, spirit – purge me of grief – in tears or any number of ways – I let the grief run its course and purge myself of the initial pain of the loss.

Why do I do this? My mind will drive me insane if I do not. We’re not designed to hold in so much pain and not purge our bodies, minds, hart, soul, spirits – of the indescribable hurt/pain.

Something I have kept secret for decades is the epitome of feeling a loss and suffering… I was only 7 and my grandmother bought me a parakeet for my birthday. I loved birds, and I loved that one to death – figuratively.

I came home from school one day and it was gone. My mother said it flew out the cage and out the house while she was trying to clean the cage. The cage wasn’t clean, but the bird was gone. It hurt quite a bit. Bless her heart, my grandmother bought me another one that very week. I felt almost whole again. The void was filled some and I felt better, but always on edge. You see, I wasn’t raised close to my siblings or family. By age 8 I was taken from a broken home and didn’t see everyone again for a very long time. Anyway… I woke up one morning and the bird was laying on the floor of the cage, dead.

I can only share – that was the only thing in my life that brought me a sense of being. It filled my heart with love and brought me great joy. I just couldn’t believe it was just dead like that. I fought a cacophony of feelings, chaos, and turmoil in my heart like cannot be explained. I only know that anything I cared about – at all – was ripped away from me like I wasn’t allowed to know or feel loved. And in truth – for decades – I did not.

I came to call this a life experience. The character of the person I became is based on the pain, suffering, loneliness – literally – all of my hardships in life – chiseled away the character of the person I am now.

When love goes away, where do I go? Who cares? Why?. Over the course of the next decade I found God in many new ways – but most profound – I believed. Jesus did not just come to save me from my sins and eternal damnation in hell – He came to share a love with me that is indescribable – but most profound in the hardest of times. This I learned and believed. No preachers, no persons, no one in particular taught me this – the Word of God in the Bible taught me this. I read, and re-read that Book several years – yearning to know more. As I studied and grew older, I learned. Some lessons were hard – some not – but I learned that when Love Leaves? I follow it back to God because He cares, and His love for us is the single, greatest emotion I took away from all of my learning. I studied many religions… Why the Jews were picked above all is a moot point to me when it comes to the simple things God has tried to teach us. I know that His selection of the Jews is significant and important; I also know that by grace we are saved, through Christ Jesus and the sacrifice he paid for us. We’re saved, we’re loved, and we are because nothing brings Jesus or God more joy than a soul close to their heart that trusts and believes them like our youngest children trust and believe in us.

While incomprehensible to so many still – God cares too – greater than even you. He cares so much, and should he be a man that would shed tears like us, the heavens would flood the world for all of His grieving.

I shared this Evening Cup because of a recent loss and great pain that followed. So many decades of such pain and loss. How do you help one another??? You share that you care – and you can only do that by giving a deep part of yourself. In this Cup – I have given more than I thought I could.

Hallelujah – God is great… Believe, receive, and stand in the knowledge that your love is in you – waiting to be shared. Give, and it shall be given back to you, press down, in great measure – without reserve – beyond your expectations.

May the Lord bless you in the unspeakable peace, and keep you always – in His way…

Live the life you love… Love the life you live… And man, live!!!

Posted in Almost Heaven, Christ Lives Today, Christ Rose Again, Evening Cup w/M. J. Hamilton Sr, God, Grace, Life Eternal In Christ Jesus, Living the Life I love, Loving the Life I live, Prayer, Saved by Grace, Saved by Mercy, THe Hamiltons, We Have our Proof In Jesus Christ our Savrio, Where is love, Who cares | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Boy and the RattleSnake Story – Beware of What you DO Know – RIch and Poor – We have had our Signs

Boy and the RattleSnake Story – Beware of What you DO Know – RIch and Poor – We have had our Signs

A little boy was walking down a path and he came across a rattlesnake. The rattlesnake was getting old. He asked, “Please little boy, can you take me to the top of the mountain? I hope to see the sunset one last time before I die.” The little boy answered “No Mr. Rattlesnake. If I pick you up, you’ll bite me and I’ll die.” The rattlesnake said, “No, I promise. I won’t bite you. Just please take me up to the mountain.” The little boy thought about it and finally picked up that rattlesnake and took it close to his chest and carried it up to the top of the mountain.

The Boy and the Snake - Beware of what you do know!!!

The Boy and the Snake – Beware of what you do know!!!

They sat there and watched the sunset together. It was so beautiful. Then after sunset the rattlesnake turned to the little boy and asked, “Can I go home now? I am tired, and I am old.” The little boy picked up the rattlesnake and again took it to his chest and held it tightly and safely. He came all the way down the mountain holding the snake carefully and took it to his home to give him some food and a place to sleep. The next day the rattlesnake turned to the boy and asked, “Please little boy, will you take me back to my home now? It is time for me to leave this world, and I would like to be at my home now.” The little boy felt he had been safe all this time and the snake had kept his word, so he would take it home as asked.

He carefully picked up the snake, took it close to his chest, and carried him back to the woods, to his home to die. Just before he laid the rattlesnake down, the rattlesnake turned and bit him in the chest. The little boy cried out and threw the snake upon the ground. “Mr. Snake, why did you do that? Now I will surely die!” The rattlesnake looked up at him and grinned, “You knew what I was when you picked me up.”

Bitten by friend or foe… It happens…

When you’re growing up – you’ll have your encounters with the snake. Eve certainly did – as did Adam. Religion aside – the single, most deadly sname to man in the Eastern United states? The Eastern Diamondback Rattlesnake, then the Cotton Mouth / Water Moccasin (I was bitton by a baby one – lethal….) – finally – the Coral Snake – fortunately – natural to the Sandhills regions and cannot really bite you…

The final gist here, however, is that you KNEW not to mess with a snake so dangerous and you allowed yourself to be beguiled into believing things can be different – when you KNEW they could not – but you WANTED to believe – so you took that risk – and you paid for it.

As you children grow up – take to heart your lessons learned – even if you’ve never been bitten. You do not need to be bitten to believe.

At the same time – God does not have to reach down and have a snake bite you for you to believe He exists. He does not have to make a lame person get up and walk in front of you for you to believe. These are called signs, and the New Testiment warned that many would come – supposedly showing signs, while others stated unless I see – I just don’t believe. Shame on you.

In the New Testament – There is the rich man and the beggar Lazarus  (Let this be a lesson – there will be no signs, and one has come from the dead – and none would listen or believe):

he Rich Man and Lazarus (Luke 19-31):

19“There was a rich man who was dressed in purple and fine linen and lived in luxury every day. 20At his gate was laid a beggar named Lazarus, covered with sores 21and longing to eat what fell from the rich man’s table. Even the dogs came and licked his sores.

22“The time came when the beggar died and the angels carried him to Abraham’s side. The rich man also died and was buried. 23In Hades, where he was in torment, he looked up and saw Abraham far away, with Lazarus by his side. 24So he called to him, ‘Father Abraham, have pity on me and send Lazarus to dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue, because I am in agony in this fire.’

25“But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. 26And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’

27“He answered, ‘Then I beg you, father, send Lazarus to my family, 28for I have five brothers. Let him warn them, so that they will not also come to this place of torment.’

29“Abraham replied, ‘They have Moses and the Prophets; let them listen to them.’

30“ ‘No, father Abraham,’ he said, ‘but if someone from the dead goes to them, they will repent.’

31“He said to him, ‘If they do not listen to Moses and the Prophets, they will not be convinced even if someone rises from the dead.’ ”

We have oru signs… We have our Savior. We have grace unspeakable, and blessings beyoung measure – from a Father in heaven that knows all that we need before we even ask – but in Faith – we must ask, believing… Knock, expecting the door to be open, Go seeking – and you will find – the richness of God in all His Glory – in your heart – for ever and always…

Live the life you love, and love the life you live. Let nothing rob you of the peace and knowledge that Christ has risen – he is Lord, and he it is that has proven beyound measure – God’s huge Grace for Mankind – we’re nothing wtihout Him – in Him we can do all things – andc nothing can stand against us – Snake – or not – Praise the Lord.

Thank you for this Evening Cup… God bless you aways….

Posted in Almost Heaven, Beautfy in Nature, CHildren, Christ Lives Today, Christ Rose Again, Country Living, Evening Cup w/M. J. Hamilton Sr, God, Grace, Living the Life I love, Loving the Life I live, Paradise in Summary, THe Hamiltons, We Have our Proof In Jesus Christ our Savrio | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Baby Jackson – Welcome to the Hamilton Clan – Joe Joe / Ashton – Welcome

Baby Jackson – Welcome to the Hamilton Clan – Joe Joe / Ashton – Welcome

Nothing brings more joy in this life than the addition of a new family member – yeppers – a baby…. God has blessed this family to go from a man and woman that fell deeply in love with one another – we never dreamed that so many children later – and now so many grand children – we would be so blessed.

The latest addition is Jackson – my oldest son’s first – and a beauty – even if he is a baby boy 🙂

Joe-Joe – my Jr. and oldest son… Told me he’s perfect – so already – he appreciates the blessings of the Lord. Ashton went through hell for no good reason aside from learning the hard way – this isn’t normal. They ‘thought’ her water broke – when it was just a leak – hours later they break it – and put her through hours of pushing – tried to induce the delivery – only to do a C_Section – the LAST thing a woman wants done to them – simply because of potential future issues – but the baby was sright at the weight we’d guessed – so he was timely – and a beauty – see below:

Jackson Hamilton - A real trooper for a baby...

Jackson Hamilton – A real trooper for a baby…

Of course, most newborns look alike – here’s AJ with newbie:

Jackson Hamilton and AJ Too...

Jackson Hamilton and AJ Too…

This family spent 24 hours there so everyone was worn down…

Snickles and Jackson…

Snickles and Jackson Hamilton... Beautiful Team

Snickles and Jackson Hamilton… Beautiful Team

Don’t forget Dad and Mama – both troopers too – proud of you son and mom…

Jackson Hamilton w/Dad – Joe Joe Hamilton….

Mama and Jackson Hamilton

Mama and Jackson Hamilton

Nothing like Grandma being there when they’re born, and Elaine has been there for most of them… She lives and dies for her children – and theirs… Told you “I” was blessed 🙂

Welcome baby Jackson – to one of the greatest families on God’s green earth… He’ll vouch save that statement 🙂

We love you – will cherish you and will always be there for you – ’till death do us part…

Congratulations son and daughter-in-law – we’re very proud of you both… Not only do you love one another – the proof of the pudding is in the eating – and this beautiful new addition is solid proof… As he grows… Enjoy… One day he’ll be grown and bringing you both more blessings… Enjoy….You’re living the live you love… Love the life you’re living…

 

Posted in CHildren, Country Living, Evening Cup w/M. J. Hamilton Sr, God, Grace, Living the Life I love, Loving the Life I live, Mercy, THe Hamiltons | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

July 7 – 2011 – (9/28/38)…. Remembering Pappy – Friend, and so much more….

July 7 – 2011 – (9/18/38)…. Remembering Pappy – Friend, and so much more….

Pappy… Bob to most… a veteran country music backup singer, and flat out best guitarist I’ve heard.. Electric, steel and bass…got me from southern rock deep into country music, and I did have he rare opportunity to meet some of the best in the undustry over the following decades…

When I met him 35+ years ago I remember we just hit it off immediately – and what a friend indeed, he became… The nickname goes back to that WWII dog fighting show show that highlighted the P-51 / P-109’s – and several others – Pappy was the leader of the Pap – and based on a real character that had more take downs from a P-51/E09 – he was an excellent, affable, strong character, and outstanding integrity – LEADER – and then some. So when I named him – I explained why – he was a bit modest – but allowed it to stick – and for 35+ years, Pappy was my father, my granfather, my ally in life more than any other real family member had been, save Uncle Jim, Uncle Tom (especially) and a couple other extended family.

My wife and  had 8 more children after he came to be much more involved in our lives. We’d choke about the number of divorces he had because his last ‘wife-to-be’ – Glender May – was 17+ years in the Queen’s Seat – and they never got married.

Payppy was 2 years Navy SIGINT, European Theater – and loved it. He really got heavy into the guitard then. His farther, JOseph – was in Pearl Harbor, and was coming to port on a Destroyer and saw the BLACK filled skies of zeros – a decent aircraft – but they were headed to Pearl Harbor. Joseph did CW code that reached Washintong to let them know – and from there – hell broke lose. We did get ours back – to a degree. That Theater saw a ton of the A series jets come in as diversion aircrafft, takeo out the SAM’s – and lay the playing field for our bombers. As the movies conveyed – we really did do a hard last stand – more than once in that Theater.

He then wants to change his MOS like mine in the ROTC training I originally had – intelligence engineering – and so it is – he jumps into the Army Security Agency – did two years in the Aleutians – which SUCKED – and could hardly wait to get back home.

Shemya

A stretch aout 2.3 miles long – with a runway that could handle a C-130 or other larger aircraft… >This was an experience that broke Pappy from flying… THe windws were horrible depending on the time of year there – you’d have a 80mph – cross win… The huge air craft would be low enough – get just right – drop and switch hard right 45 degrees roughly – and slam down. It would wake you up…

Shemya-Payppy-Last Station in the Alutians...

Shemya-Pappy-Last Station in the Aleutians…

This island still has remnants of some of our – then – largest radar arrays – in place. Just an hour off Russia – never quite froze over but got damned cold – he hated hit. In some ways – it was just an old base – or maybe even an old college campus – or NOT – and he stayed pretty busy…

As he moved into retirement – Michele, here – as well as all of my children, just loved him so very much…

Pappy and Michele - Memories of another day...

Pappy and Michele – Memories of another day…

His passion? Radio Announcer and flat out picking a mean guitar and singing Country Swing, Blue Grass, and Classic 50’s vintage country. He was EXCELLENT in all that he did – and I enjoyed so many years with him.

As John Wayne or Clint Eastwood may be referred to – Pap was a man’s man – very bit of it. Nothing scared him – he did not stand for bullies – and he loved the life he lived, and lived the life he loved. I do believe that last tidbit was our endearment to one another. As I lived the life I loved, and loved the life I lived.

We hunted small and medium game… We fished our ass off. We loved camping, cruising between clubs on the weekends – and playing in front of 1,200 to 10,000 people – depending on the show we wee opening for. No better high did I know – save the physical nature between a man and woman, which I won’t mention here – but it was a close call – 🙂 (Big Smile)…

I remember one year Pap says, “hey… you want to go back to school??? We could earn a degree and play the strip???)… We were in Tuscaloosa, Alabama – Molly Hatchet loved to come back there and pick – and periodically one of us to play for the door entry fee – a $1.00… but low/behold – there were 2,500 students come through!!!@ SHOOT DOGGY – we ere rich… It was a blast… We each got an initial 2 year degree and had a blast doing it…. Then I moved on for undergraduate\ work – eventually my Criminal Justice Degree Works at Stratford through Distance Learning – and I’m looking at getting my Bachelor’s in that now – if my not Masters… Shoot – I’m an old may – what else can I do – PI? Forensics? And I’m doing a ton in the unmanned drone space and search and rescue – so I could come out of this – albeit it still disabled – but earning a living. Thee government doesn’t pay us much – and we could do better – if I can get my mind around it and just DO IT. As Pap would say.

A few years after Pappy left us – I contracted a radical blood disease that damn near killed me. I was traveling back to Penn State – the Navel Research Laboratories – I was working on a SharePoint Enterprise Portal for them – and my 4th month into it – I had a cut on my right heal that festered in 72 hours – and I was in ICU awaiting my foot to be cut off… Then see what happens from there… Well, they saved my foot -but I’ve been through hell for 3+ years – and no one cares but me…. So it’s a little difficult for me these days… Pap is gone… I have my children and my wife – but there is not super close association there like there used to be. I’d simply spent too much time on the road – away from home – and alienated myself from my family. So – today??? I’m not sure how I’ll pull this off… I’ve taken some steps to engage a potential CFO/COO and other executive personnel with a small S-Corp – to see if I can stir up the interest and get this business launched. Then it won’t matter what the government pays me – I’ll be on a steady income – which I definitely need.

Pappy always loved bragging on me and Microsoft – as if I was doing some heavy lifting and some significant work that’s worth noting. In truth – not really. Just a super mile income – and praying for more…

Finally – you read where I mentioned Jesse James – the James Gang…. Well, believe it or not, Pappy James was one generation removed from Jesse (I beleive it was one).

He would tell me about his Dad – Joseph – being in the Navy, Uncle Frank – who mom told them to just stay away from – there there is Jesse.  I guess no one said to stay away from him – so they all saw each other, each year. Mother James lived/died up here about 5-7 miles  outside of Stanton, Michigan – a school teacher and solid people. Jese, we all heard about him and Frank and other family. But Joseph – U.S. Navy for years, Pappy, gave them some good years, and turn out to be a super solid friend, man, and legacy of love and fun and laughs… For over 3.5 decades with my family… I miss yu old man… I love you… You go in Peace, and may God keep you and take care of you for eternity. I look forward to seeing you again.

Thanks for enjoying this Evening Cup with me…. I have truly enjoyed it- especially the memories of Pappy…

Take care…

Posted in Almost Heaven, Beautfy in Nature, CHildren, Country Living, Criminal Justice Forensics Science, Distance Learning, God, Grace, Living the Life I love, Loving the Life I live, Mercy, Mother Melba, Nature, Owls, Paradise in Summary, Prayer, School, U.S. Army, U.S. Army Security Agency, U.S. Navy, Veteran | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Remembering Jesse… Golden and true gold…

Over 16 years ago a guy I worked with brought in a 6 to 8 month old, 6 generation AKC Registered Golden Retriever…. He said if anyone wants her they can have her… I got down on all 4s in the grass with her and started to roll around and she copied me perfect – romping all over the grassy area.

I brought her home and for the next 16 years, she’s been as much a part of this family as anyone. She was here before my two youngest were born and they do not know life without her…

This morning she passed around 0700… She’s been deaf a couple years now and her eye sight was fading over the past several months. Well.. She walked out onto the pourch to do her morning stroll and a mistep sent her down the stairs really hard. She could not walk well again after that… For about 48 hours of late – she’s moaned and just barked at nothing except pain I suspect – day and night. She could not get comfortable and she couldn’t go out and walk. It was not a little sad. Then, around 0700 this morning, she just passed. The youngest dealt with it hard, but understand her age and the circle of life. At least now she’s rolling in grass again – we believe – in Doggy Heaven – chasing others of her kind – and feeling no pain. Alas – the circle of life is taught.

This is 12 years old – her and William – he loved romping in the yard with her as I did….

Jesse and William 2006

Jesse and William 2006

My apologies for the skewed image…

Here she is in 2008 with a family shot – late summer…

 

Family - 2008 - Remembering Jesse....

Family – 2008 – Remembering Jesse….

Half these children are grown and on their own, wives, husbands, and children of their own – but missing Jesse is something we’ll all live out…

While I’ve tried to my children many lessons in life – this is not something you can teach – letting go… Saying goodbye… We’ve lost a few family and friends… and for children to lose other young children to drugs or an accident – it’s very difficult. Growing up my different than most children, I was taught and raised in a much different environment – and new of loss at a very young age. All said – we all just compartmentalize differently – and no matter how much I wish I could just take my heart out and place it in any one of my children – to help them learn – I cannot do that.

We’re remembering Jesse tognight…. Thank you for sharing this Evening Cup with me… May the Lord keep you, bless you and yours…. Always….

Posted in CHildren, Country Living, Dogs, Evening Cup w/M. J. Hamilton Sr, Grace, Jesse, Living the Life I love, Loving the Life I live, Prayer, Remembering Jesse | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Raise your child in the way they should go, and they will follow…

Raise your child in the way they should go, and they will follow…

Raise your children to be leaders.

Raise your child to be a leader..

Being a father is so much more than when to say yes / no…. When to be harsh or easy… It is the position God has granted you to become a true leader of people… Not necessarily a group of outsiders or other strangers to your home – but succinctly of your own children.

Raise up your children in the way they should go, and they will follow and be – all they can be. They’ll be blessings to so many…. They’ll help those in need… They’ll show compassion when it is needed. They’ll make you proud just by being who you raised them to be.I cannot emphasize that last part enough – they will make you proud.

And remember… love them… enable them… love them more… ensure they learn the true value in loving and giving…

That’s what I wanted to get out Father’s Day… my apologies for the delay… have been juggling a bit of life of late… Thanks for stopping by for this Evening Cup…

Posted in Almost Heaven, CHildren, Country Living, Evening Cup w/M. J. Hamilton Sr, God, Grace, Living the Life I love, Loving the Life I live, Mercy, Prayer | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Sweet Montana Home… – Summer…

Sweet Montana Home… – Summer… – Yes, summers in S.W. Montana – that’s where I want to be:

This would be my dream home – totally self-sufficient – solar, wells, septic – and nothing else needed – maybe a satellite – but that’s it….

The deep S.W. Montana hills and skies are to die for. This would be my summer home… No question – it’d be brutal inthe winter – but with the right vehicles – I could must it – I’ve survived Michigan winters – and they’re horrible….

That’s a huge mountain incline behind the home- about 9K foot – or more… The home nesles not too far from a large creak / small river front – perfect for the rustic livers….

As I ponder this – the effort and cost – it’s not too unrealistic if our companies take off and grow as we know they will… Unlike this picture of a living quarters and an animal quarters – we’d have about 4K living quarters and up to twice that animal quarters – as we would live on our own… My children are open to that – and I grew up on that – so it would be great for them…

Grisley’s would be the biggest scare – and any 50 cal. rifle can take them down if you know what you’re doing. It’s important to always be in twos – never alone – and loaded each with a 50 cal. and know how to use it.

Otherwise, this life would be the dream life we watch about the Alaskan bushmen settlers still homesteading Alaska – this would simply be us homesteading Montana – to a light degree.

For the Winters? S.W. New Mexico along the coastline – 75 degrees each day – and a nice cabin setup about 2 miles back from the water front. Pretty much the same- just further back from the water for anynumber of reasons – but it’s like God’s country there in the winter. It’s beautiful. Rustic… great for road ralley racing / bike racing / quad off-road racing – roaming the desert… It’s truly beautiful….

Here you see a deep sunset – one with the great cranes / geese of the region – some 4′ high and simply majestic.

Here – some of the absolute beautiful country in the south central region – hoht quite where we were looking for land – but just as beautiful – so we’re sharing this too…

So – for summer months – the beautiful great Montana skies – and maybe some winters – as we’ll be equipped to handle that – then you have the Southern / South Central New Mexico country side – for winters – it’s beautiful – all the time… Especially in the winter..,

I hope you enjoyed this Evening Cup…..

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Mother Melba – Your Prayers are Dear…

Mother Melba – to me a mother / grandmother figure for over 3 decades. She’d be 106 today…

Mother Melba lived a rich life – but alone mostly. Her husband
Mrwas in WWII – south Pacific – captured by the japs – rescued – and when he came home – he didn’t last a few years. He endured what his mind would not recover from.

Mr. and Mrs. Shuttleworth – had 3 children – Phyllis Clue, Phillip, and David – only Phyllis was alive when Mother Melba passed away…

She lived through the poorest time of our country – the great dust bowl – the worst of times, raising her children, and eventually, moving in with her dad to take care of him. When he diied – he willed her their family home – beautiful spread in Forsyth, GA. w/3.5 acres of pecan trees, and a guest cottage out back that Mother Melba would sub-let to one little old lady or another – whoever needed help. She would give her life to help people in need.

My wife and  I met her in a ministry in Forsyth, GA. where she was mostly committed to visiting prisoners in the local jail and prison camp. We learned so much working wtih her during this time – but most of all – we committed our lives to the Lord. What a blessing and so refreshing – our lives changed over night and we saw the blessings unfold before us. Eight more children and blessed in everything we put our hands to – we were richly blessed.

I learned during this time that prayer is powerful. Mother Melba prayed for us daily, and when she finally went to be wtih the Lord, I could feel the hole in my spirit and heart profoundly. My wife would probably agree that she did too… We had no clue until then just how powerful the prayers of the righteous are – and oh, Lord, please reign down more blessings and let her prayers reach us from heaven. We know she’s there… We know she’s happy and finally resting like never before – an incomprehensible rest that only you can give Lord… Thank you so much for her time here on this earth…

She shared candidly with me – all things – even things I won’t mention. She did try a relationship once following her husband’s passing – and said the man just wanted sex with her the first date – and she could not stand that. So she shared – I just want to live and die in my home, Michael – not being a burden to anyone – and living the life I love, loving the life I live – she taight me this one – and she got her wish.

Her last 2 weeks, Phyllis was there and Melba had been praying several years for the Lord to take her – but He kept her here and I am so thankful for that. In the end – the last couple days – she said, I’m not so sure I’m really ready to go!!! Phyllis conveyed, mom – I have to get home and take care of my husband (in his late 70’s or older then) – and you must make up your mind!!! Are you ready to go now or not?

That night she passed to the Lord – in peace – in her home – and I cried for 3 days – no way to shake the pain of her leaving… I loved her so much – and still do… I love you woman – with all that I am and will ever be – I can hardly wait to see you again… Lord willing – I have many more years to enjoy my children and grandchildren – in passing – I know that my wife and I would like to go together… We know that’ll be heavy on our children – but Lord willing they’ll all be grown and strong in spirit and soul.

Mother Melba – I’ve learned the value of giving – and in giving – I know it is what I give and those I help realize their own riches – that I’ll be blessed in passing. I am nothing without the Lord, and nothing I can accept being. It is what we do for others that counts – you taught me that so well…

Jesus said, when you pray, it’s simple – Our Father, who art in heaven, hollowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth – as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our tresspasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Lead us not into temptation – but deliver us from evil – for Thine is the Kingdom, the Power, and the Glory – forever, and then some – amen….

Each day I pray, and lift up my children, their families, colleges I’ve worked with, their families, friends, just about everyone I can think of – because I want them saved, blessed, whole in mind, body – spirit – and life as we know it.

Remember – everyone – no one man can do a single solitary thing to gain access to heaven – I know this because the spirit of the Lord, the Holy Spirit, bears witness to my spirit and I know – it is by His Grace we are saved, not by works, less any man could boast. My son Jon was born at 0316 hours in the morning – and that is one of the most quoted verses – God so loved the world that he sent his only Son – that whosoever believes in HIm shall have life eternal – and not perish for eternity.

There are things to remember… We must confess our sins to God… Repent of them, and accept His forgiveness. This often times means you must be able to forgive yourself – which is not easy. As mind boggling as you might find that – it’s really quite simple – by faith – put your sins in front of you at the alter of God – pray for forgiveness, and by faith – accept He will keep His word – and you’ll be forgiven. Even if I have to do this daily – it is the burden on my heart to do that daily. I long for my Lord to come – come soon Almighty God – let your will be done – on earth as it is in heaven. PTL, Amen…

We love you Melba… We miss you… So much… Thanks be to God that we were so blessed to have you – and your strength  and love and prayers. Happy 106 birthday 🙂 Much love… Always….

Posted in A century of living, CHildren, Evening Cup w/M. J. Hamilton Sr, Grace, Living the Life I love, Loving the Life I live, Melba, Melba Shuttleworth, Mercy, Mother Melba, Natural | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tears in the night…

Tears in the night…

As I am shutting down tonight, I’m mindful of St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital – the cancer center in particular.

I did not grow up with a  mother and father. I was in foster care until 11 and then I was sent to the United State’s Army Military Academy, Children’s Academy – until I was 17. So – I did not grow up with parents like most families do.

As I watch commercials on television regarding the children of St. Jude’s – I’m blown away because 3 times now I’ve battled cancer and I’ve lost my dad, and a brother to cancer. It’s brutal – but it’s not just brutal – it’s terribly brutal for children. To see children suffering from cancer… Going through the chemo – and just the fact that a 4 or 5 or 10 year old is battling this??? Are you kidding??? I cannot begin to convey how that makes me feel…

If you pray for anything… Please make sure you pray for these children. If you do give away 10% of your income as a tithe – then tithe to St. Jude’s Children’s Hospital – please…. Please…

I broke down bad tonight… An old man – I wasn’t feeling sorry for myself… I wasn’t hurting for anything I’ve been through – I was and I’m still – hurting for these children… These are God’s most cherished and truly cherished babies… I know they are…  While I know this – while I cannot convey why God allows this – I can only share – I KNOW these are His most cherished – and you mark my words… He cherishes these children… He sheds tears for these children (I KNOW THIS)… He cannot wait to have them in heaven with Him – and to me – I simply hurt for them.

Pray for these – God’s most cherished – the children that demonstrate greater strength than most men even at war… Pray for their peace…. Pray their pain is minimal… Pray they get to go home to our Father in heaven – soon. Pray for their parents – those are parents that will hurt so bad, so deep – that nothing can sooth their pain. Please pray for them even over the children – because those parents are going to need the strength to let go…  Worse yet, those parents are losing the most dear / tender aspects of their lives ever known.. They’re going to hurt so badly – that only God can provide them some peace… some soothing of their pain.. Please do pray for the parents….

If you commit to pledging / tithing money each paycheck or week or month – or however you can and do – commit – please keep this commitment – because it is more important to God that you keep your commitment – than to simply not commit and do nothing. Simply – do not commit and fail to meet that commitment.

Tonight – this Evening Cup runneth over with tears of pain for these, God’s greatest gifts, and our most precious gems in life – our children…

My wife and I have 10 children and 10 grandchildren – and yes, we love them so much – they are our lives…. Nothing is more precious than these – are gems… Well, God has billions of gems to care for…. I cannot fathom how He does…. But I do know how it feels when they’re in peril and need His grace and blessings to help them. As you pray…. Be mindful of these – His most precious – the children of not only St. Jude’s but all of the children that are hurting… All of the children that are dying… all of the children that cry, going to bed hungry at night and asking – please – please – just give us ‘something’ to take away the hunger pains – the physical pains – the emotional pains… Pray for these children – and all children – that just ask – please – help me…

God have mercy… forgive me for not being the man I should be…. Give me a heart of deeper desire to help… Make straight the path I must take to help, and in your mercy, guide me to see and follow that path – to help these – your most precious children…

 

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Taking it back to the classroom, again… Distance Learning, a blessing… Enroll now for Free

Taking it back to the classroom, again… Distance Learning, a blessing…

As I write this – I’m mindful of finishing my Criminal Justice / Forensic Sciences Degree with Stratford University Online Program – and now I’m going after IT Cyber Security and Information Management at WGU – Western Governors University – Distance Learning Program.

FOOTNOTE: If you enroll now? They’ll waive the enrollment fees – which waves a couple / few hundred bucks alone.

Here you can read that they’re a MSFT Learning Partner and this is not trivial This can open even more doors for learning. I’ve worked building Sclera Design, Inc. – a Microsoft Gold Certified Partner, and later, Sclera Hosting, a Microsoft Silver Competency Partner…. MSFT Puts a lot behind education – and then some…

For what it’s worth – getting through a MSFT IT Academy Program is not trivial – and they do not provide their awards lightly. So – this is going to be a fantastic challenge for me….

Western Governors University

Western Governors University – Microsoft Certified Academy Instructor as well

WGU (Western Governors University) is a modest, yet HOT school to get involved with if you’re doing distance learning. I could have picked a few different Michigan State (MSU) / U of M) options, Western Michigan, and more – but they’re very expensive – even for an instate student – and these distance learning programs often offer much more aggressive curriculums – so I think I’ve picked the right school.

I am 100% disabled – so I do get some premium ops for student aid / financial aid programs – but in the end – that’s not why I pick them. WGU was more than twice as expensive as the school of choice I’d picked – but they had the aggressive curriculum offered  I could not find elsewhere – so that was the decision breaker.

Nope – it’s not evening – iit’s morning – but for me – just as soon be evening cup – I’ve been up working since 1400 hours yesterday – straight through – so no rest here….. Alas – I’m enjoying a fresh cup in the new coffee maker one of my sons bought mother for Mother’s Day. She really did need a new one. She’s like Mr. Overton (Previously blogged about) – he bought what he needed, and that was it – he didn’t buy something else just because it was newer or fancier or seemingly nicer…. Well…. Margaret wears down a coffee pot per year -if it makes it that long…. And this one was a few years old – and I mean old. 🙂 – It was taking 25 minutes to brew a pot of coffee… When we had money – we’d buy the Bunn Coffee Makers – 3 minutes – or your money back – well… Mr. Coffee annot guarantee anything in 3 minutes – but it’s a nice coffee maker – tastes great and it’s exponentially nicer than what we had.

Anyway – this morning – Evening Cup  – shares my next steps in academics – and hopefully – another new degree a year plus from now. If you can apply 30+ hours a week – and I easily can – to your degree studies – then you can pass fast. the only hold up are the lectures that you cannot dodge. You must attend those – but that stated – you can graduate pretty quickly….

All said – I 2nd WGU – Western Governors University – a cut above the average distance learning school / program. Enjoy – if you sign on – mentioning my name brings me no perks for referal – nor does it bring you any – I can only say – they’re worth checking out…

Good morning America… Let’s make tonight’s Evening Cup a nice one….

Posted in Criminal Justice, Criminal Justice Forensics Science, Distance Learning, Distance Learning Schooling, Forensic sciences, School, Uncategorized | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment